The Art of Disagreement from becoming an argument
“YOU CAN’T WIN AN ARGUMENT”
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| The Art of Disagreement from becoming an Argument. |
Welcome the
disagreement.- Remember the slogan, ‘When two partners
always agree, one of them is not necessary.’ If there is some point you haven’t
thought about, be thankful if it is brought to your attention. Perhaps this
disagreement is your opportunity to be corrected before you make a serious
mistake.
Distrust
your first instinctive impression.- Our first natural
reaction in a disagreeable situation is to be defensive. Be careful. Keep calm
and watch out for your first reaction. It may be you at your worst, not your
best.
Control
your temper.- Remember, you can measure the size of a
person by what makes him or her angry.
Listen
First.- Give your opponents a chance to talk.
Let them finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers.
Try to build bridges of understanding. Don’t build higher barriers of
misunderstanding.
Look for
areas of agreement.- When you have
heard your opponents out, dwell first on the points and areas on which you
agree.
Be honest.- Look for areas where you can admit error and say so. Apologize for
your mistakes. It will help disarm your opponents and reduce defensiveness.
Promise to
think over your opponents’- ideas and study
them carefully. And mean it. Your opponents may be right. It is a lot easier at
this stage to agree to think about their points than to move rapidly ahead and
find yourself in a position where your opponents can say: ‘we tried to tell
you, but you wouldn’t listen.’
Thank your
opponents sincerely for their interest.- Anyone
who takes the time to disagree with you is interested in the same things you
are. Think of them as people who really want to help you, and you may turn your
opponents into friends.
Postpone
action to give both sides time to think through the problem.- Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day,
when all the facts may be brought to bear. In preparation for this meeting, ask
yourself some hard questions:
Could
my opponents be right? Partly right? Is there truth or merit in their position
or argument? Is my reaction one that will relieve the problem, or will it just
relieve any frustration? Will my reaction drive my opponents further away or
draw them closer to me? Will my reaction elevate the estimation good people
have of me? Will I win or lose? What price will I have to pay if I win? If I am
quiet about it, will the disagreement blow over? Is this difficult situation an
opportunity for me?
This article is taken from How to Win Friends and Influence People
Written by Arshad. A
