What to Look
for in a Relationship Partner
A good
partner can help you become more of the person you want to be. A loving partner
can bring out your optimum or “ideal” self and reveal this beautiful nature in
you.
The person best able to be there for you in
this way has the attributes listed below. I offer this with the qualification
that your needs might be met by someone whose traits don’t match parts of this
list. That’s okay. This is only meant as a rough guideline—as something
to consider (though to seriously consider) as you look for a potential partner
or evaluate how well the person beside you is meeting your needs. With that in
mind, you want a partner who is:
Securely
attached and Mature. Because such people are comfortable
with themselves and their connections, they are capable of being emotionally
close, as well as wanting themselves and their partners to explore separate,
personal interests.
They are also able to reflect on themselves and their
lives in an open, insightful, and emotionally connected way. This enables them
to acknowledge their limitations and nondefensively admit to their mistakes—all
without sacrificing a positive sense of themselves. Understanding that others
are similarly flawed, they are able to readily forgive their partners.
An
effective Communicator. Such partners are good at listening
and sharing, which helps them to nurture and maintain close relationships. They
can also effectively work through disagreements. In part, they have these
strengths because they are generally good at identifying and managing their
emotions—a definite plus as you try to connect with another person and work
through the difficulties that will inevitably arise in an emotionally intimate
relationship.
Appreciative
of You. It is not enough to fall in love. Because
relationships are cocreated, they will make you happy in the long term only if
your partner respects and values you—and works to express this in some way.
Your partner must show an interest in getting to know you. And, although it’s
steep learning curve at first, the quest to know you better should never
totally plateau. You will also be happiest and reach your greatest potential
with support and encouragement to explore your personal interests.
A
Good Fit. It is important to enjoy spending time together.
This generally means having at least some shared interests. But it definitely
means enjoying activities together, even if that just involves having engaging
conversations. Sharing, or at least respecting, each other’s values affect
daily life, the more important it is for them to be shared. For instance,
disaster awaits when one partner is determined to have children and the other
partner is absolutely against it. Or if one partner is committed to a nomadic
lifestyle—say, a career as a traveling salesperson—the relationship will work
much better if the other partner is supportive of that.
Ready
for a Relationship. Your partner must be willing to make the
relationship a priority. This means devoting time and giving attention to it,
both when you are physically together and when you are apart. It also involves
viewing sex and emotional closeness as two aspects of an intimate relationship
that support each other. Finally, a potentially good partner will believe that
you—as a couple—are responsible for each other’s happiness.
Sometimes people equate their attachment-related
anxiety with the feeling of being in love. When someone is comfortable to be
with and seems accepting of you, your attachment-related anxiety might not be
triggered. So, it’s entirely possible that the “nice person” you met might be a
great fit for you—despite the lack of immediate “excitement”.
Click for View:- Imagining your
Perfect Partner.
This article is taken form Insecure in Love
Written by Arshad. A
